I Am.

I am the pressure of a backpack sliding against my arm in the hallways of American Fork high school. I am the fulfillment of creating something, a group of fifty, a spontaneous, choreographed dance number in the midst of lunch trays’ and cliques: our first Flash Mob ever. I am a Certified Nursing Assistant. I am a name badge in scrubs at an old folk’s home, the wrinkles of her hand and the warmth of her smile making even the most impossible day possible. I am the rhythmic impact of my tennis shoes as they hit the pavement, the weight of my aunt’s seven month old baby cradled into my arms. I am the red of the A on a spirit t-shirt during the finale against Lone Peak.I am the empty space above the rim filled with, "I BELIEVE IN A.F! I BELIEVE IN A.F!" I am the tart of mom’s homemade ice cream cooling my tongue, the way the light blankets my lawn right before sunset. I am a student body officer, and more than just a sweater. I am miracles. I am 5,555.32 dollars raised in two weeks, and the way those 12 homes lit up that cold, Christmas night. I am a head nurse at Primary Children’s Oncology department … someday. I am "believe in the beauty of your dreams." I am "Why do you want to go to Dixie State Rachael?" and, "It just feels right Dad".

But you see, I am not going to remember any of that. 

I am your laughter ringing through the air, these past four years etching the sound into every inch of my throat. I am that very first day, forever burned into my memory. Crooked teeth, warm eyes, the reflection of the snow casting light onto every freckle, every detail of your face.  I am the space between us for those first three months. We didn't touch.  Not at all. We took the time to know. You found your way into my brain, and I yours. Your voice, your gentleness, your patience, your intuition, counteracted with my passion, my energy, my light, perfectly. Together, we balanced. Together, we created something. I don't really care what people say about love in high school. High school is almost over anyway. I am that three word sentence written all over every aspect of my life last night, right this very second, and every moment of tomorrow.

I am you.

And I am so, happy.

"It's funny how the times that seem unbearable, are the ones that you don't ever want to end." -Drowning

Road Trip to Saint George 

 My throat feels as though someone has taken a salt shaker to it. Other than my voice sounding like an advertisement for a smoking commercial, it really was a lovely weekend. 

I am changing. The world around me is changing.

Funny, isn't it. I couldn't wait to get out of this place, to pack up and leave it all behind. And suddenly,it seems as though these next eight months have already begun to slip through my fingers. I don't want these memories to be over. Not quite yet. I find myself trying to capture every moment, every facial expression, every laugh, every receipt into the back of my eyelids, in through my ears, and down towards my heart. It is all happening so fast, and I never knew I could feel more for you than I already did, and I am out of breath, and I am happy. The right before you fall asleep and those few moments before I wake up in the morning kind of happy. Thank you for making me happy. 

I work as a C.N.A at an old folks home now. In memory support.

She has Alzheimers, and often cannot form complete ideas, complete thoughts.

But tonight, she prayed like there was no disease attacking her mind. 

She placed her withered hand over mine, and I cried as I listened to her whisper to the sky.

"My gracious Heavenly Father.I never thought it would be this hard to grow old. It hurts to walk, to move, to dress, to eat. Thank you for this young lady, thank you that she could help me get dressed, and use the bathroom. I love her. Thank you for sending her to me. Please bless her as she goes to college, as she finds a husband. I love thee Heavenly Father and I am so grateful to be alive. In the name of thy son, Jesus Christ, Amen."

This lady is  ninety two years old, and her walls are filled with elegant pictures of her life. Filled with memories that she can't remember.

People always say: 'You're a CNA? So you change peoples diapers ?" 

Well, yes.

But it is a little more than that.

"You will make more friends in two weeks being interested in others, than you would in two years trying to get others interested in you."-Corporate Alliance. 

Watch this Video. 

It will make you feel better.

Love, love love love love

-Rachael Cherish 

I am just, happy.

I am not afraid anymore. 

If it doesn't last this time, i'll be okay.

But this time, I think it might. 

Last, you know?

I bought a new planner for 2012.

And I am ordering a new leather journal.

:)

Here is to new beginnings. And Sarah's new blog.

Her blog is one of my favorites. 

Happy New Year