Friday, October 30, 2015

To My Partner In Crime on His Day of Birth

 Dear Joshua,

You are my brother. Your voice alone is pure comfort. One I know, trust, and understand. AM. FM. A childhood familiarity, a subtle, background hum of morning cereal and clicking seat belts. Your essence speaks my language. Whether that's the DNA pumping through our blood or maybe if we could graph the amount of time we spent together. X to the square root of 2, or something. Either way, your essence speaks my language, not only sympathizing but empathizing with unique fears,  instinctive circular thinking, impulsive whims, an unyeilding motivation to create. We laugh about baby whales and assisted "put the car in neutral and push" sneak outs. We cry about broken doors, and heaven only knows we understand about matching socks. It's a security thing. You knew that. You bought me the new ones. It was supposed to be the other way around, but you always took care of me. 

The family situation was raw; still a little sensitive. And it's like, your birthday, for heavens sake so i'll try to be brief on the topic of the century, but I want you to know, I need you to know, you're this really specific brand of very sticky glue. Not the Elmers with the orange lid or the gun with the million degree clear stick, but the one that comes in those dark little bottles from Home Depot. You know? With the animated gorilla and suddenly your fingers are literally stuck together. Anyway, so Autism had taken a hard hit and family was becoming sort of this cracked mirror or some other metaphorically shattered something or other. And you? A high school senior; student full time, working full time, cross country captain full time, high school sweetheart full time, church calling full time, associates degree full time, and somehow you were still there. You found time to be home and emanate this disposition of light and gratitude and through everything you managed to make us all laugh, when you were home we were always laughing. I remember you playing a lot of Nintendo 64 with him when he'd erupt, and sitting on my bedroom floor talking with me when I couldn't sleep and I don't know how else to tell you but that you were our glue. The gorilla kind, pulling together our pieces. 

I guess what i'm getting at here is thank you. Thank you for being there at the end of the line every time I needed you this year. Thank you for taking advantage of every "cool brother moment" growing up, for tossing your car keys to 15 year old Jackson and I, for frazils and four square and dominion and that sweet signed Steve Madden t. Thank you for taking the time to become best friends with the boy I love. Thank you for teaching me important things like; never wear a bright orange Gryffindor top to school pictures in the fourth grade (I often regret not heeding that wise advice), and the value of running with ears free to listen to your own breath and sound of your feet hitting the pavement. Thank you for teaching me (and everyone else) unconditional gratitude. Let me set up this scene. You are in the hospital with meningitis practically dying. And there you are thanking all the nurses and doctors for their help between puking your guts out. Who does that? I can just picture myself being wheeled between the halls screaming at everyone "I'M ALMOST DYING HERE." "COULD YA PUSH A LITTLE QUICKER!?" Anyway, i'm really glad you didn't die. 

Thank you for giving me my first big sister, you really couldn't have chose more perfectly, she's so, beautiful. Inside and out. This time in our lives is so fun, it's so crazy to watch our monopoly money turn into real money, our pretend cities turn into our apartments, our homes. Our pretend games are finally turning into real dreams and plans and futures. It's all so exciting, and I am so glad I get to be apart of it all. 

Thank you, for everything. This whole sibling big brother best friend thing is one of the happiest things in my world and I wouldn't trade you for anything (except a box of waffle crisp, those are so hard to find lately..) I'm so glad we have the knowledge of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and that I get to have you as my big brother forever. 

I love you so much! Happy, Happy Birthday almost twin! 




1 comment:

  1. I know this could seem awkward I'm commenting on this, but I hope it isn't. This is beautiful. Really. What a beautiful tribute to a great guy. Josh really is an amazing friend and example. I remember when I first got to know him at the beginning of sophomore year and telling my mom how I just really admired his gifts with people. He is a very talented guy, and he found a GREAT woman to share his life with. I always loved seeing your guys' relationship. You guys really are what most people think of when they think of a twin relationship. It's really sweet. I love it. (And I really hope this isn't awkward. Because Josh has always been a great friend to me. There is no denying his great talents and example! Or the way him and Chelsea fit perfectly together with their personalities and kind ways. I always hoped THEY would end up together too...just like you and Jackson. I love when high school sweethearts work out. :)